Over the last two months, a dozen students from three continents have been meeting to write and reflect as part of the Writers Matter program. The following piece is part of the “This Scar is From” collection, and comes from Iori in the Philippines.
This Scar is From
This scar. This scar is from the years I have spent yearning for friendships that never truly wanted me, from trying to level with people who didn’t see me for who I really was. It was a deep scar. This scar was from the times I gave too many pieces of myself to those who didn’t care enough to hold them.
This scar is from wanting to earn their respect, their affection. It was from trying to blend myself into their world, also from realizing that I was losing myself in the process. It was from seeing myself being a smaller person with every failed attempt to connect, but continuing it as if it was the right thing to do.
This scar is from the cut that the lonely feeling scraped into me. The more I reached out, the smaller I seemed. This scar is from the length of time it took me to stop looking outside for validation, the time it took me to turn inward. This was once fresh, from the neglect I did to those who truly saw me. It was a scar, from a healed wound on seeing the ones who really knew me and still chose to love me– my family.
This scar became one from leaning into them, with all their flaws and love that offered me comfort and understanding I once tried to find elsewhere. This scar is from the reminder that I never have to shrink to fit into someone else’s world. This scar is from removing the masks, the pretense, the chase for approval.
This scar is from that painful but valuable journey. This scar is from knowing that some people may never even be meant to be. Despite that, this scar is from the healing that came when I allowed myself to be reminded of my family.
When I look at it, this scar is now from a lesson. It is from the importance of knowing who truly has your back, who will always meet you where you are, even when the world seems to turn away. The scar is there, but it doesn’t mean it still hurts the way it once did.
This scar is from learning that true connection starts with yourself and the ones who have always been there, waiting for you to realize you don’t have to earn their love– you just have to be yourself.
Debate for Peace 